May 13, 2011
"Green light Go" by Simone Federman
Simone & Raymond FedermanThe Coliseum
My eyes were as bottomless as his, hollowed in my tiny face. And my mouth was almost more jaded - perfecting the scowl of a French-movie gangster, the attitude, if not the accent, that made him so charming. I would have smoked Gauloises in the car if he'd let me, the way he did, with the windows rolled up so his hair wouldn't blow, as we cruised the town, partners in crime, till Mom got home.
My mother sparkled with Hollywood sunlight, whereas my pop and I flickered in the shadows of the place where we lived when she was not around, where all his stories and the movies he'd taken me to from the time I was born converged. Errands were just an excuse for a stake-out; a trip to the bank, casing the joint for the big heist "the Organization" had planned.
Our swarthy complexions suited our roles as the good kind of bad guys, though I was more of a cowboy than he was, with half a half-gallon hat in the back seat to prove it, and he admired that about me. I was, after all, a real American, unlike him.
"Zoot, alors!" he'd say, forced to stall at a red light, and I'd take aim with my pistol finger tip, waiting until just the right moment - "Pow" - to shoot it green.
I love you Pop, miss you so much. Happy Birthday - Simone
Blogmaster's Note: Sunday is Ray's birthday.
Labels: A LA QUEUE LEU RAYMOND FEDERMAN, Simone Federman
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Thank you, Simone, for both that wonderful memory and for maintaining your father's blog and legacy.
I adore your father's writing.
Here's a link to a piece I just finished on my blog, commemorating both your father's birthday, and the all-too-brief correspondence I had with him in 2009. I hope you like it.
http://enriquefreequesreads.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-all-too-brief-email-correspondence.html
Very best,
Brent
I adore your father's writing.
Here's a link to a piece I just finished on my blog, commemorating both your father's birthday, and the all-too-brief correspondence I had with him in 2009. I hope you like it.
http://enriquefreequesreads.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-all-too-brief-email-correspondence.html
Very best,
Brent
it was then when Inbox
Simone Federman Sat, Aug 1, 2009 at 4:43 PM
To: moinous
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I wrote this about how I was feeling the other night but
now that I was called a liar that I made the whole thing up and that
doctors don't know anything I am feeling more distant from any
emotions.
I love my father so much. He has become so kind. sentimental. He
always was but the harsh exterior, posturing, ego is gone, different
at least. He is softer. He really is a great man. I am so sorry for
his pain and sorrow. I love him so very much.
so much. It is not just all the fun we have had together. It
is also I so deeply feel in my being how much of me, how much of what
I am, who I am, how I am, who you love comes from him. From the ping
pong court, on the golf course, behind the wheel, in the theatre, the
classroom, the movies, museums,with my dog, other people's kids,
friends when i am joking and when i am serious. My politics, my
spirituality, taste in
food, women, travel. Sure I am different but so much of it came from him. I
say it all the time, that he is my best friend certainly my oldest
friend but lately, I guess because I have had many solitary,
reflective hours, it sweeps over me. I start to cry not because I have
not accepted the time has come. I am dealing with it quite well with
humor and practicality but because the tears come from inside me.
Because he is me. Like the water that we learn is some outrageous
percentage of our bodies, the water wells up and out my eyes, he is
that percentage. We have stopped writing e-mails to each other. I
don't know why maybe it will start again maybe it is because I am
afraid of what I will say.
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moinous@aol.com Sat, Aug 1, 2009 at 8:41 PM
To: simone.federman@gmail.com
Reply | Reply to all | Forward | Print | Delete | Show original
listen mademoiselle federman it's not because I have become as you say
softer [no pun intended I assume] sort of sentimental and kinder that
you have to ooze all the water that's inside of your -- the sweet water
as well as the bitter water -- if you ocntinue I will ooze out of myself
and there'll be nothing left but an empty carcasse piled up on top of
other empty carcasses waiting to be transmuted
what I find very touching in what you wrote is how beautifully you
suddenly write -- in that sense yes simone you have become all
of me.
ok enough for now
otherwise I'm going to piss in my underwear
speaking of underwear the nurse sent some
kind of pills that totally demolished my constipation
and I get little accidents now
so it goes
I love you so much my daughter
my simone
my one and only simone federman
- Show quoted text -
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Simone Federman Sat, Aug 1, 2009 at 10:26 PM
To: "moinous@aol.com"
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did she give you one of those sentimentality pills too.
lI love you Popo
Sent from my iPhone
- Show quoted text -
moinous@aol.com Sat, Aug 1, 2009 at 11:23 PM
To: simone.federman@gmail.com
Reply | Reply to all | Forward | Print | Delete | Show original
no she gave me suppo
za
story
Simone Federman Sat, Aug 1, 2009 at 4:43 PM
To: moinous
Reply | Reply to all | Forward | Print | Delete | Show original
I wrote this about how I was feeling the other night but
now that I was called a liar that I made the whole thing up and that
doctors don't know anything I am feeling more distant from any
emotions.
I love my father so much. He has become so kind. sentimental. He
always was but the harsh exterior, posturing, ego is gone, different
at least. He is softer. He really is a great man. I am so sorry for
his pain and sorrow. I love him so very much.
so much. It is not just all the fun we have had together. It
is also I so deeply feel in my being how much of me, how much of what
I am, who I am, how I am, who you love comes from him. From the ping
pong court, on the golf course, behind the wheel, in the theatre, the
classroom, the movies, museums,with my dog, other people's kids,
friends when i am joking and when i am serious. My politics, my
spirituality, taste in
food, women, travel. Sure I am different but so much of it came from him. I
say it all the time, that he is my best friend certainly my oldest
friend but lately, I guess because I have had many solitary,
reflective hours, it sweeps over me. I start to cry not because I have
not accepted the time has come. I am dealing with it quite well with
humor and practicality but because the tears come from inside me.
Because he is me. Like the water that we learn is some outrageous
percentage of our bodies, the water wells up and out my eyes, he is
that percentage. We have stopped writing e-mails to each other. I
don't know why maybe it will start again maybe it is because I am
afraid of what I will say.
Reply | Reply to all | Forward | Print | Delete | Show original
moinous@aol.com Sat, Aug 1, 2009 at 8:41 PM
To: simone.federman@gmail.com
Reply | Reply to all | Forward | Print | Delete | Show original
listen mademoiselle federman it's not because I have become as you say
softer [no pun intended I assume] sort of sentimental and kinder that
you have to ooze all the water that's inside of your -- the sweet water
as well as the bitter water -- if you ocntinue I will ooze out of myself
and there'll be nothing left but an empty carcasse piled up on top of
other empty carcasses waiting to be transmuted
what I find very touching in what you wrote is how beautifully you
suddenly write -- in that sense yes simone you have become all
of me.
ok enough for now
otherwise I'm going to piss in my underwear
speaking of underwear the nurse sent some
kind of pills that totally demolished my constipation
and I get little accidents now
so it goes
I love you so much my daughter
my simone
my one and only simone federman
- Show quoted text -
Reply | Reply to all | Forward | Print | Delete | Show original
Simone Federman Sat, Aug 1, 2009 at 10:26 PM
To: "moinous@aol.com"
Reply | Reply to all | Forward | Print | Delete | Show original
did she give you one of those sentimentality pills too.
lI love you Popo
Sent from my iPhone
- Show quoted text -
moinous@aol.com Sat, Aug 1, 2009 at 11:23 PM
To: simone.federman@gmail.com
Reply | Reply to all | Forward | Print | Delete | Show original
no she gave me suppo
za
story
This is a good common sense article. Very helpful to one who is just finding the resources about this part. It will certainly help educate me.
I often think of you and do not forget you. Je pense souvent à toi. je ne t'oublie pas. Stéphane Rouzé
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