February 11, 2008



Once upon a time, not so long ago, there was a country where everyone was oversexed. At night the men went out armed with kinky objects and flashlights and sneaked into a neighbor's house to bleep their neighbor's wife. In some parts of the country it was the women who went out at night to bleep their neighbor's husband. On returning at dawn, exhausted from these adulterous activities, spouses would find that their own spouse had been bleeped as well.

And so everyone lived in sexual harmony, and no one was ever frustrated because everyone had bleeped or been bleeped during the night. A perfect circular system. In that country, bleeping was synonymous with fair exchange, whether you were giving it or receiving it. The government was a perverse organization set up to bleep the people, while the people spent all their time bleeping the government. So life went on its untroubled course, and the inhabitants were neither frustrated nor undersexed.

But then, one day -- nobody quite knows how or why -- a chaste faithful husband appeared. At night, instead of going out with kinky objects and a flashlight to bleep his neighbor's wife, he stayed home, drinking beer, watching TV, reading cheap novels, and once a month bleeping his own wife. When the oversexed neighbors saw what was going on in his house they stayed away.

This state of affairs could not last. The chaste faithful husband was told that it was very well for him to live a life of sexual abstinence with others, but he had no right to prevent others from bleeping his wife, and for their wives to remain unbleeped. For every night he spent at home, there was a wife in the neighborhood who went without a good bleep.

The faithful husband could offer no excuse for himself. And so he too started staying out every night until dawn, but he could not bring himself to bleep his neighbors's wives. He was chaste and faithful, and that was that. He would go as far as the drugstore and look at the sexy pictures in the girlie magazines, and then he would go home to discover that his wife had been visited and bleeped.

In less than a week, the chaste faithful husband found himself with a wife so exhausted from all the nightly visitations she received that she could not give her own husband even a little marital bleeping on the weekend. But he had only himself to blame. The problem was his chastity and his faithfulness: it had thrown the whole social and sexual system of the country out of kilter. Since he allowed his wife to bleep with others without bleeping himself with anyone else in turn, there was always someone who got home at dawn to find his spouse unbleeped and frustrated -- a lonely unbleeped spouse whom the chaste husband should have visited during the night. Soon, of course, those whose spouses had not been bleeped realized that their spouses were so frustrated they no longer wanted to bleep with their neighbors's spouses because their own spouse wanted it so much. On the other hand, those who came to bleep the faithful husband's wife went away so oversexed that, as a result, they became even more oversexed and perverse.

Meanwhile, those who in the past had been bleeping night after night got into the habit of joining the chaste man in the drugstore to look at the sexy pictures in the girlie magazines.

This only added to the country's frustration and confusion, since it led to more people (males as well as females) becoming chaste and unsexed while others who continued their nightly visitations found that there were more sex starved spouses out there than they could handle and so they became even more oversexed and perverse.

Now the oversexed and perverse people understood that if they spent their nights at the drugstore looking at the sexy pictures in the girly magazines they too would soon become undersexed and chaste. And they thought: Why not pay some of the more frustrated people to go bleep the neighbor's spouse for us?

Soon contracts were drawn, salaries, bonuses, and percentages were agreed upon (with a lot of double-dealing on both sides: the people were still trying to bleep one another). But the end result was that the oversexed became chaste and the undersexed became perverse.

Some of the oversexed became so chaste that they no longer needed to bleep with others or even to pay others to bleep for them. However, because they stopped bleeping they soon became extremely frustrated: the chaste people would see to that. So they paid the most undersexed of the undersexed to protect their spouses from all the other undersexed people. Thus a police force was set up, prisons were built, and a judicial system dealing strictly with sexual offenders was established.

So it was that, only a few years after the arrival of the chaste and faithful husband, nobody talked any more about bleeping or being bleeped, but only about how chaste and how frustrated everyone had become. But deep in their souls, the inhabitants of the country were nostalgic for the good old bleeping days, even though they no longer bleeped every night like they used to.

But then, one day, the chaste and faithful husband died of excessive frustration, and soon after the old tradition of nightly visitations to the spouse of one's neighbor started again, and happiness and harmony returned to this lovely country.

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