March 30, 2008


Two Dozen Obligatory Questions An Interviewer Must Ask a Famous Writer [With the Answers the Famous Writer Usually Gives]

Photo: Steve Murez

I was being interviewed for t.v. by this georgous blonde in Berlin

that interview inspired this little piece

Q: Why do you write?

A: Because .... just because ...

Q: Why do you write the way you write?

A: I don’t know any other way.

Q: For whom do you write?

A: For my dog.

Q: Who influenced your writing?

A: Homer.

Q: What would you like people to say about your writing?

A: Nothing.

Q: How old were you when you started writing?

A: In kindergarten.

Q: Which of your books is your favorite?

A: The one I haven’t written yet.

Q: How many cups of coffee do you drink while writing?

A: I never drink coffee.

Q: Do you write during the day or at night?

A: Depends on the weather.

Q: What will be the subject of your next book?

A: Me.

Q: Of your many wives which one inspired you the most?

A: I think it was the fourth one but I’m not sure any more.

Q: Do you believe your work will survive?

A: Depends how long I live.

Q: Why did you refuse to accept the Nobel Prize?

A: I hate traveling.

Q: Do you try to influence your readers, and if so in what sense?

A: In the sense that is most satisfying to me.

Q: Do you do a lot of revisions?

A: I never revise. I just write, and write some more.

Q: How does it feel to be famous?

A: It feels weak.

Q: What do you think of your fellow-writers who are also famous?

A: If only they would disappear.

Q: Do you write by hand or with a typewriter or directly on the computer?

A: It depends on the weather.

Q: How do you react when you books are attacked?

A: I laugh.

Q: How much do you make grosso modo with your books?

A: I never count.

Q: What do you wear when you write?

A: It depends on the weather. But I never wear a hat.

Q: Is your writing autobiographic?

A: Everything that is written is fictive.

Q: As an artist do you feel obligated to have a depraved life?

A: Certainly. Otherwise what would be the point of being an artist?

Q: By the way, how would you define yourself as a writer?

A: Small.

Q: What would you like people to say about your writing?

A: The truth.

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