October 02, 2006

 

CARCASS #1

The other day I was in my office – as I am every day – except on Sunday when I watch football matches on TV – I was doing nothing – absolutely nothing – and nothing was coming to me that day – not a single sentence – or even just a word -- that would make me smile and make me say – well here is a nice beginning for a little writing – but nothing – not even a single word - for instance the word that launched to whom it may concern -- listen – the word that broke the silence – but that day total silence in my head – to pass the time I am looking out of the window at the beautiful view and counting the birds that fly past my window – it is a splendid view – I'm not going to describe it again – if you are interested go take a look at the carcasses I left in the zone of carcasses – in fact to look at this splendid view made me want to revisit the carcasses – to reread what I had written – and while reading this thought came to me – or rather this sentence – what reaction did the first thinking human have – the first who was conscious of being human – well of sorts – the first to be confronted with of death – well that was not exactly the sentence that came -- it was much shorter – in fact it came to me in french – quelle gueule il a eu le premier être human devant la mort – let's say an homo sapiens – yes what grimace came to the face of the first one who confronted death – he was the first one – because the one who died was not conscious that he was dead – he was already carcass – it's the one who looked at the guy who had just tumbled into the zone of carcasses who first became conscious of death – are you still with me – I'm trying to work my way out of this deadly labyrinth of carcasses – to put it in simple terms when the first homo sapiens saw another homo sapiens die he realized in his narrow skull that he was no longer alive – he meaning the dead guy – but perhaps the first one was not an homo sapiens but an homo erectus – it's impossible to know – there are not recordings in whatever form of the word that first homo grumbled when he saw the other guy – or perhaps it was a female who first spoke the word for death when she saw another female tumble into the great cunt of the universe on her way to the zone of carcasses – in any case – it's that first homo erectus who invented the word death – well not that word -- not the English word – nor the french word mort -- nor any still spoken on this planet – he or she let a sound or several sounds come out of their vocal cords which were still brand new – a sound that sort of said – well look here the bastard is dead – or the bitch is dead – please excuse those profane words – but it has been proven that all the homo erectus and most of the home sapiens were bastards – well that's what I was wondering – how did that first homo – male or female -- react the first time she or he confronted another dead homo – when he or she saw another like them tumble into the zone of carcasses to receive from the authorities the number one – since that dead homo was the first carcass to arrive -- the first human carcass – of course in that prehistoric period there was no numerical system – no mathematics either – there was nothing – everything needed to be invented – which is what the generations of homos who followed the first thinking homo did – the first thinking homo who must have said – aloud I am sure – shit the fucking guy is dead – well he said that in some kind of prehistoric grunting – and as he said that he felt deep inside of him – in the hollow of his undernourished stomach – a huge pain – a pain much more painful than the pain he felt when he cracked his rib cage to rise from a quadruped posture to a biped posture – when he erected – the pain he felt in the hollow of his stomach when he invented the word death – came from his realization that he too could easily tumble into the zone of carcasses – it was a silent pain – a pain he could not utter – but he understood in his narrow underdeveloped skull that he too could become a carcass like his fellow homo – as of this moment in prehistory that poor homo spent the rest of his miserable life with this pain inside of him – to which one day - or more likely during the night – he gave the name fear – ah yes the fear of death – I once wrote a little poem about that –

It is not death
we fear
It is the fear
of death


after I had written what I just told you I remembered how in another story I wrote awhile ago the carcasses are transmuted -- no doubt more than hundred times -- maybe more – until they are totally exhausted – épuisées the french would say – as they say of a book which is out of print – and become totally useless – I told myself – it must be terrible to come back to life – in whatever form – and again live with the fear of death – I am addressing here only the human problem – one would have to ask the same question for other living creatures – whether or not they are conscious of death – for instance do little gold fish also feel in the hollow of his narrow stomach the pain of fear of death – it would be interesting indeed to know if they really feel that pain or if they don’t give a damn about it and keep hoping that in their next transmutation they will come back as human beings – man or woman – though I am sure that most of the gold fishes would prefer to come back a women with gorgeous thighs – in fact that's what all the carcasses in the zone of carcasses hope – to come back as humans – because there is a rumor circulating in the zone of carcasses that humans do not fear death – that is why they constantly kill each other – that's what I was thinking the other day while admiring the splendid view out of my window of my office when I was doing nothing – nothing but hoping for a sentence to come – just a few words –

RAYMOND FEDERMAN


LA CARCASSE #1

L’autre jour j’étais là dans mon bureau – comme je le suis tous les jours – sauf le dimanche quand je regarde les matchs de football – football américain – à la télé – et je foutais rien – y avait rien qui venait ce jour-là - pas une seule phrase qui m’aurait fait sourire un peu et me dire – tiens voilà un beau début – non rien - même pas un seul mot – comme par exemple le mot qui lance a qui de droit – silence – oui silence complet dans ma tête – donc pour passer le temps je regarde par la fenêtre la belle vue que j’ai – je vais pas la décrire encore une fois – si ça vous intéresse aller jeter un coup d’oeil aux carcasses – celles que j’ai empilées dans la zone des carcasses – de voir cette belle vue m’a donné envie justement d’aller relire les carcasses – et pendant que je lisais une idée m’est venue – non – pas une idée une phrase – celle-ci – quelle gueule il a dû avoir le premier être humain pensant – un homo sapiens disons – quand il a vu le premier mort - je dis premier parce que lui le mort il n’était pas conscient d’être mort – c’est celui qui a regardé ce mort – disons cette carcasse qui venait de s’effondrer dans la zone des carcasses – qui a été conscient – puisqu’il était pensant – que le mec qui venait de s’effondrer était plus vivant – et c’est alors que cet homo sapiens ou sapienne – ou peut-être que c’était déjà un homo erectus – on peut pas savoir – y a pas d’enregistrement – mais c’est sans doute ce type là qui a inventé le mot mort – enfin pas ce mot français mais le son qui est sorti de ses cordes vocales encore toute neuves – mais un son qui voulait dire – tiens le mec est – eh bien je me demandé quelle gueule il a dû avoir quand il ou elle a vu ce mec ou cette gonzesse s’effondrer dans la zone des carcasses et recevoir des autorités le numéro un – enfin à l’époque – quand la zone des carcasses à était fondée – il n’y avait pas encore de système numérique – pas de mathématique non plus – enfin y avait rien – était à inventer – ce qu’on fait les générations homos qui ont suivi le premier homo à devenir conscient de la mort – et de s’être dit – merde le mec est mort – enfin il a dit ça dans une sorte de grognement d’homme préhistorique – dès qu’il a dit ça il a ressenti en lui – là dans le creux de son estomac - comme une grande douleur – une douleur encore plus douloureuse que celle qu’il avait ressenti quand il s’es étiré de la position quadrupède à la position bipède – mais ce coup-ci – là devant la carcasse de l’autre qu venait de tomber dans la zone des carcasses – il a pas hurlé de douleur comme quand il s’est érecté – non il est resté silencieux – mais comprenant dans son petit cerveau que lui aussi un jour il pourrait devenir une carcasse comme celle de ce pauvre mec qui venait de calancher – et c’est à partir de ce moment qu’il a passé le reste de sa misérable vie d’homme préhistorique avec cette douleur en lui – à laquelle il a un jour donné le nom de peur – ah oui la peur de la mort – tiens une fois j’ai écrit un petit poème qui disait -

ce n’est pas la mort
qui nous effraie
c’est la peur de la mort

et après avoir eu cette petite pensée que je viens d’écrire je me suis dit – en me souvenant de l’histoire des carcasses qui sont transmutées parfois des centaines de fois – parfois même plus – avant qu’elle soit complètement épuisée -- dans le sens qu’on donne à un livre épuisé – parce qu’il a été pilonné – je me suis dit ça doit être terrible d’être transmuter et de revenir en vie – quoique soit la forme – sois doit être terrible d’avoir à sentir en soi la douleur de la peur – et je m’adresse ici qu’au problèmes des humains – il faudrait sans doute se poser la question pour savoir si – par exemple les petits poissons rouges eux aussi ressente cette douleur au creux de leur petit estomac -- pour savoir s’ils on peur de la mort – ou s’ils s’en foutent complètement en se disant la prochaine fois -- quand je serait transmuté à nouveau peut-être que je reviendrai en homme ou en femme – préférablement en femme avec des belles cuisses – parce qu’il parait que les êtres humains n’ont pas peur de la mort - c’est pour ça qu’ils aiment s’entre-tuer les un les autres – voilà quoi je pensais l’autre jour en admirant le belle vue par la fenêtre de mon bureau quand je ne foutais tien --


click HERE to read THE CARCASSES

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